Memo to self: Five things you must do when writing about leadership in the age of social media. (This is, erm, a parody.)
In reverse order of importance, here they are:
#5. Use quotations up the wazoo. Big sweeping, philosophical quotations can be tweeted very conveniently and are hard to refute.
Leaders really need these quotations and can hardly survive without ‘em. And besides, you never have to explain: By the time they read your quote or try to pronounce the source (‘Thucydides’) it’ll be time for the next one. Be sure to keep doing this non-stop, or everything will fail. But if we all just keep tweeting philosophy, the meaning of life will eventually work itself out. Make open demands for re-tweets.
#4. Make your observations as facile as possible. This really helps the leadership cause. Generic platitudes are best of all: “Great leaders are great listeners.” (That’s always a good one. People love it.) The there’s “Establish a crystal clear vision for your organization.” (A timeless classic.) But don’t forget, “Be a master of personal productivity.” (Beast!) Leaders are dying to know facts like these — over and over again. They can’t get enough of them.
#3. Cover the entire sweep of the subject in your book/post/tweet, and in a non-specific way. Never narrow stuff down. Follow a short paragraph about ‘vision’, with one about ‘character’, and the next about ‘dealing with failure’ (or something like that). Juxtapose wildly and make everything interchangeable. Take a list from one book, mix and match it with another, and call it wisdom. Feel free. It won’t make an iota of a difference
#2. Employ lists, lists, and more lists. Lists are great. You can never have enough lists. Lists inspire. Keep lists of the lists. If there’s one thing the internet needs is lists. How many lists are there on the internet anyway? The average joe can retain circa 15,000 lists in his head at any one time, so load ‘em up.
#1. Tell people what to do. This is the biggie, the number one guideline. There’s nothing a leader likes better than being told what to do. He loves it. Leave nothing to the imagination. Don’t do irony, and never stump him. Remember that he’s busy transforming visions into reality. Tell-him-what-to-do, for goodness sakes.
Now I understand that this post is way too long and way too in-depth for the modern era, but that’s because I have a lot to learn about leadership.
Ken Carroll

